Vysselle

I am disgusted with how slow I am in all aspects of my life...... No GF No real social life No passion No ............thing I suppose it could have been worse, so I'm at the very least grateful for that.

I plan to go one of these. Either the August one or the Winter one. I'd really like to go with, or meet some people there? It would be my first one, so I'd like to a little fun ^^ I can pay for room and I don't mind driving around.

I feel like my aura is negating my abilities to meet the people I need, and want.

You'd think one would get accustomed to things not going their way, but I two things about life that sunk in today after over a decade. It wouldn't be hell if it becomes your home. The precious people I had I pushed away because it wasn't what I thought I needed. The useless people I thought I needed, pushed me away. Desperation, and Depression, Doubt are a potent toxin, they are. Too afraid to do the things I want. I sit wondering why I'm not doing the things I want, instead of doing them. This is about  stagnation, and the aftermath wrought  of and brought on by it. This isn't a pity party. This is a warning.

You can find yourself meticulously drifting towards one, knowing it's an inexorable journey that is going to be wrought with a dismal numbness, that almost seems to have stemmed from depression, but without the melancholy. It's like a murky valley of purgatory, knowing it can clear, but unsure if it will. One way to tell: It's disappointment when the achievements you've waited, and worked for, no longer carry the merit of worth, Turned apathy when you see, and pragmatically acknowledge the this disappointment coming forth Turned numbness when you no longer feel t the disappointment of your hard-earned achievements, is fast approaching It's