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I am disgusted with how slow I am in all aspects of my life......

No real social life
No passion
No ............thing

I suppose it could have been worse, so I'm at the very least grateful for that.
I plan to go one of these. Either the August one or the Winter one. I'd really like to go with, or meet some people there? It would be my first one, so I'd like to a little fun ^^ I can pay for room and I don't mind driving around. 
I feel like my aura is negating my abilities to meet the people I need, and want. 
You'd think one would get accustomed to things not going their way, but I two things about life that sunk in today after over a decade.

It wouldn't be hell if it becomes your home.

The precious people I had I pushed away because it wasn't what I thought I needed.
The useless people I thought I needed, pushed me away.

Desperation, and Depression, Doubt are a potent toxin, they are. 

Too afraid to do the things I want. I sit wondering why I'm not doing the things I want, instead of doing them. This is about  stagnation, and the aftermath wrought  of and brought on by it. 

This isn't a pity party. 
This is a warning.
You can find yourself meticulously drifting towards one, knowing it's an inexorable journey that is going to be wrought with a dismal numbness, that almost seems to have stemmed from depression, but without the melancholy. It's like a murky valley of purgatory, knowing it can clear, but unsure if it will. One way to tell:

It's disappointment when the achievements you've waited, and worked for, no longer carry the merit of worth,
Turned apathy when you see, and pragmatically acknowledge the this disappointment coming forth
Turned numbness when you no longer feel t the disappointment of your hard-earned achievements, is fast approaching

It's only when numbness is attained, that the true phrase of "I would rather feel pain, than nothing at all" imparts its obscured yet obvious lessons to oneself.

I could really use some help with a choir part in this track I'm re-creating from a video I saw. I can do a few of the lower registers but not the high sections? (Soprano?) If you're a decent singer that can reach those higher notes, I'd love any assistance you can give me. I would need at least about 10 tracks of the same lyric being sung so that I can overlay them and pan them a bit with some reverb to get a solid choir sound.
I got a 2017 Elantra!! Took about 6 hours at the dealership and some embarrassing moments, but I FINALLY have my OWN car that's brand spankin' new!! This is the  one of the best things that's happened to me in over a decade! Go little ol me! WooWoo
I just ruin things. I don't intend to. It's almost as if some conscious negative energy is timing the things I screw up. I 've lost motivation to do anything. I'm trying to get it back little by little, but it's like every little bit I get, something much bigger is ruined in exchange. Something that's not even connected to what I'm doing. I have a big heart to give but it's starting to dwindle down into coldness.       No...I'm trying to hardened it rather. Depression and other external forces have taken my life, and I've allowed it to happen. The only reason I'm still alive is that I'm too scared to kill myself. I don't even cut, so I don't have that as an outlet. I'm basically an invalid in a world of opportunity.Perverted thoughts enter my mind against my will, I get stuck in ruts that I can't get out of. I don't what to do.....
deviations, I have officially washed my hands of Dragon Ball Z so you will not be seeing any DBZ related material for a VERY long while. Just a heads up so you don't waste your time
J     ust as courtesy I thought I would warn those who had not been aware of my gender. In the event that you hadn't noticed yet, I am biologically male.I enjoy cross playing, which explains my Kakashi pics. My sexual orientation is straight, however. This does NOT mean by ANY means, that I am a homophobe by ANY scope of interpretation one might have. I'm just as comfortable around homosexuals, and other transponders, like the next person. It's just I have a romantic, and sexual attraction towards the female gender, inspite dressing up like one. :) Although it's not new territory for me, it will be my first time posting, fem pics where I'm not in total cosplay. Just a heads up. I will be posting both pictures of my X side and Y side. If you don't think you can handle it, this would be your time to hit the un-watch button. Although I have no intention of explaining myself, I did however think it would just be fair here. Good day to you. :)
         With all the labels running rampant now, I'm not sure where I stand on the gender spectrum. Up until now, I haven't really paid it much mind. I feel like there has been a demon in my life just mentally shutting me off and on, on many aspects of my life, which has cost me dearly, a great many opportunities. I feel like because of how uncommitted I've been, I've almost come across as a fake, which is not true by any means. Although I have been making an attempt to improve myself recently, it just seems as if I'm up against insurmountable hurdles with these thoughts of mine, that prevent me from settling on who I am, and thus, forcing me to shy away from all kinds of opportunities. I want to be middy expressive with my body, but at the same time I'm afraid of negative people coming my way. The problem is that I typically avoid instigative confrontation. I'm afraid of people just getting the wrong idea. This fear has had me locked up in my mind for years. Not all demons have to possess your body, convulse your body, or making your eyes glow white. They can just as easily, and even more subtly ruin a life by remotely controlling my emotions. It sucks. I'm not asking for pity, I'm just saying why it's so hard for me to be me, when I don't feel like I have a "me" to call my own. I'm going to risk it and continue posting Crossplay pictures, and selfies. It may cost me some of you lovely watchers. It may bring some of the haters. But hopefully it will allow me a release, that I desperately need, in addition to other facets of being human. They will NOT by any means, be nude photos. They might be a little bit leggy, or somewhat revealing, but hopefully done in a way that's sensual. Many of them are old, but I am tired of the demons running my life and ruining my attempts, as well as corrupting what my intents are and aren't in the eyes of others. If that is to be, then let it be as a self-affirming "me". This is just a mere heads up...

in my  game development project. It's a third person tactical fighter, but as I'm focused on getting the mechanics down you won't be seeing very much anytime soon. I'll show what I can though it might be minor.
I've found them to be fun, but as they've had little exposure in spite of the work I've put into them, I'm just not finding it worth the effort. If you've watched me for my Sprite animations, I'm sorry to have disappointed you. However, if you have not yet seen them. I have the complete Sprite DBZ animations on my youtube. (I'm also not a very frequent poster there)

I am grateful. :)
This project is the biggest project I've ever taken on. As I'm doing EVERYthing on my own it will take time. I am doing all of it

Music (Composing battle music)
Modeling characters and props
Map Design

Please bear with me. Again this is a yaoi version so if you are uncomfortable with male x male sexual activity then please do not v iew this project when it's done.
Anybody of my watchers?
Her father had some seizures, and I haven't heard back from her so I'm VERY concerned...
I am looking for some highly skilled animators or artists to help me on Part III of I'm Your Opponent! Taiketsu!. If you have any time you could donate, I would really appreciate the help. Naturally I'll credit you and I have specific things I'd like to have animated with hand drawn talent. Post here if you'd like to participate. 
Soooo it's INCHING it's way across the finish line. I'm having trouble animating loopable dust so it's eating up a lot of time. I TECHNICALLY could have ended it at a part where Pikkoro charges the camera but I idiotically made more work for myself. Trying to stuff more Vegeta vs Android 18 maulage in here. :XD: THEN I'll have to add sound to it. Please bear with me.^^;
Should I upload a few frames of part II for you guys?